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Quod me nutrit, me destruit

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New Member [23 Oct 2006|05:02pm]

'ello! New member :)

Application.Collapse )

I love new friends on LJ and in messengers. See my profile for screen names.
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-Day 6- [20 Oct 2006|03:47pm]

[ mood | curious ]

I am so happy today, my weight has finally gone down, by two pounds since yesterday, making me 103lbs. Not too shabby.
I'm planning to restrict next week, under 300cals a day, I was wondering do you eat a few small 'meals' a day or once a day?

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-107- [13 Oct 2006|05:43pm]

[ mood | curious ]

Do any of you have a problem with bingeing? I binged yesterday and the day before, I feel shitty about it. My weight dropped a little over night though. I woke up at 2pm today, the shorter my days are, the less likely I will be to binge.
Today I've had:
2 coffees with fatfree milk-50
2 apple cups-100

Good luck everyone! Hang in there.

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[13 Oct 2006|02:36am]

This is a super pain in the ass, but due to problems that have occured recently I have made a new LJ.. I just thought I'd post it up here that I got a new one..

The new livejournal name is KateyXdoll
If you're on my friends list on this name please add me on my new one
sorry for all the inconvenience and whatnot..

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[10 Oct 2006|03:19pm]

[ mood | chipper ]

I'll keep this short considering the last post was also by me..

40 hours into my any liquids fast, and I've lost almost 3 pounds.  I woke up at 124.4 which has exceeded my short term goal of 125

Thanks for all the support guys.  and keep up the good work..

:] good luck girls!

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[10 Oct 2006|12:26am]

I've been fasting all day, 25 hours so far.  I plan on going as long as I can.  I can't promise 72 or even 48 but I'mma try.  So today obviously went well..  Weird thing is I was tempted all day and it really was hard, but it was easiest when I was cooking skylar, my boyfriend, dinner.  I made him soup and a sandwich, and the entire time he stared at me shocked that I could have food in my hands and not just devour it.  He was shocked that I could smell it and not be effected.  I've done so well, and everyone was right, after 24 hours it just gets easier and easier.  I am slightly weak feeling.  It's only bound to get worse honestly..  I know that, but hey fasting is incredibly liberating.  I feel wonderful.

Think thin everyone and good luck!
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Nothing Seems to Satisfy [10 Oct 2006|12:39am]

[ mood | okay ]

Something has to change.
Un-deniable dilemma.
Boredom's not a burden
Anyone should bear.

Constant over stimu-lation numbs me
and I wouldn't have
It any other way.

It's not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I don't want it.
I just need it.
To feel, to breathe, to know I'm alive.

Finger deep within the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Relax, turn around and take my hand.

I can help you change
Tired moments into pleasure.
Say the word and we'll be
Well upon our way.

Blend and balance
Pain and comfort
Deep within you
Till you will not have me any other way.

It's not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I don't want it.
I just need it.
To feel, to breathe, to know I'm alive.

Knuckle deep inside the borderline.
This may hurt a little but it's something you'll get used to.
Relax. Slip away.

Something kinda sad about
the way that things have come to be.
Desensitized to everything.
What became of subtlety?

How can it mean anything to me
If I really don't feel anything at all?

I'll keep digging till
I feel something.

Elbow deep inside the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Shoulder deep within the borderline.
Relax. Turn around and take my hand.

Hours into fast: 24.5
Hours remaining: 47.5

Drink cals consumed today:

Black Coffee- 19
Sugar-free vanilla soy iced latte- 190 (prob. less because the sugar-free wasn't calculated)

Total: 209
Cals burned: 105

Total: 104

I could do better.
I think tomorrow I want to go to the rec center and run on the treadmill for a while. It'd be nice to get the real exercise.

No classes tomorrow though =)
Tomorrow will be easy.
Wednesday I may try to get some adderold from a guy in my Japanese class. Then I'll definately make my end-of-week goal of 132. 130 would be preferred though.
I just had a cup of coffee, but I wonder how much I weigh...

Well shit... 135.5 the first time but when I din't believe that, my scale changed its mind and said 136 the next two times. 135 would be fabulous this early in the week... plus that would officialy be ten pounds lost from my high weight =)

I feel fucking fat still.
I think I just need to get my mind off of dieting for a while and just relax.
I think I'll go play the Sims for about an hour and then read in bed for a while before falling asleep.

Overall today was good. Tomorrow can still be better though. ♥

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no exercise [09 Oct 2006|07:03pm]

[ mood | chipper ]

Do any of you *not* exercise? I don't...At all. I lose all my weight by fasting or restricting. I'm far too lazy to exercise. lol.

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Fucking fat failure [09 Oct 2006|12:18am]

[ mood | crushed ]

I binged so fucking badly Saturday night, no purging, and it just ruined everything. I don't even want to talk about it.

Today I had:

1 bowl of Strawberry Yogurt Cheerios + some skim milk
2 mini Famous Amos Choc. Chip cookies
1 vanilla latte Caribou Coffee granola bar
4-5 Fat Free pretzels
A Shrimp Skewer Salad from Applebee's [it was the healthiest meal on the menu at 210 calories and 2g of fat under the weight watchers section]

I don't even know how many calories I consumed before my salad for dinner.
I just know I left this weekend weighing 136, and I come home weighing 138 and I feel like a fucking disgrace.

My dorm floor reeks of food and I think it smells like nasty feet.

Well. I suppose I'll start fresh this week. Tomorrow I'm fasting. I'll start tonight at midnight. And I'll go until I need food.

I want to be at least 132 by the end of this week.
My end-of-week goal for last week was 137 though. Didn't make that. I have to try much harder this week.

I took pictures last week but I still can't find my camera cord.
I need to get to sleep.
Tomorrow will be much better.

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I feel wonderful [06 Oct 2006|06:28am]

[ mood | calm ]

Today's going to be a good day. I just feel like it will.

I only have two classes this morning, my two favorite classes, and then I'm done at noon.

After that my friend is in town from her college, so we're probably going to hang out. She initially suggested that she take me out to lunch, but after asome quick and panicked thinking, I came up with the idea that we simply go get coffee =) According to CeruleanButterfly.com, an Iced Caffe Latte is only about 100 calories.

I'm on hour 8 of my fast, haha woo go me, I know. But I do plan on going definately through tonight and tomorrow morning at least, 40 hours is my minimum, at 2:00 tomorrom afternoon.

I'm getting anxious to weigh myself and see if I'm still 136 before my roommate wakes up and before I drink too much coffee.

Fuck it, I'm going to go weigh myself...

Okay, 136.5. Not bad, not bad at all considering how much I fucking binged last night.

But oh weel. Fridays are good days. Last Friday was a GREAT day, hopefully today will be too.

After I hang out with my friend, she's hopefully taking me straight to my boyfriend's, and I think he and I are going shopping! I told him I have some books I need to buy. I desperately want to get my hands on Wasted and Stick Figure. And perhaps buy a new tongue/bellybutton ring. =)

Ah I wish I had a better digital camera. I just tried taking some pictures of the bautiful full, orange-red moon on the horizon, but my camera has like NO zoom at all.

OH I took pictures last night. This weekend, I'm taking my camera home with me so I can actually find the right USB cable for it so I can actually load my pictures onto the computer!

Anyway I've gotta go start getting ready for class.
I'll update more later.

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New Member [05 Oct 2006|10:30pm]

Name: Jessica
Gender: female
Age: 17
CW: 154
BMI: 24.1
Eating Disorder: ED-NOS with anorexic tendencies
STGW: 150 To Be Completed By: 10/15
LTGW: 140... then 130.. then 120... just as thin as i can be
Favorite Thinspiration: Lindsay Lohan (in her super skinny days), nicole richie
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Wtf??? [05 Oct 2006|10:58pm]

[ mood | pissed off ]

Okay, so what the fuck is up with my body, seriously!?!

First I succumb to the "munchies" and eat a bunch of fucking chips.

And promptly after, lose three pounds.

And then I fast for an entire fucking day and a half and lose NOTHING.

And today I end up breaking my fast with

a salad and a bowl of chicken noodle soup,

then later completely losing all control and eat:

1 Butterfinger Crunch bar [250cal, 13g fat]
1 packet of Wheat and Cheddar snack crackers [190cal, 9g fat]
AND 1 little bag of Honey Wheat Braided Twist Pretzels [220cal, 2 g fat]


I still feel so fucking disgusted. I can't purge. My dorm has a community bathroom. My whole floor shares it.

So I freak out and do like 80 crunches. Can't do much else.

So I weigh myself. I was 138 all day. Now I'm 136.


I feel FAT. I even feel like I look fat. I do look fat!

Arrrrrrrrgh. I guess I shouldn't complain. My goal is to be 135 by tomorrow. I'm sure I will be now.
I just hope this fast I'm on now [started an hour ago, after that whole fiasco]
-will WORK.

If anyone wants to join me, please do. I will REALLY need the support. The weekend's almost here...

I don't care if it hurts. I will lose this fat.
A moment on the lips,
forever on the hips...

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Argh [05 Oct 2006|11:58am]

[ mood | annoyed ]

So, I was SO excited to come back from my boyfriend's this morning and weigh myself. I did drink two beers last night, but other than that I stuck to my fast, and when he drank beer I was drinking big tall glasses of water. We also had quite energy-consuming sex last night, I'm sure that burned a lot of calories...

This morning I had a glass of water and a Sugarfree Redbull. But even though I did so well last night, even though I haven't eaten in the past 36 hours, I still weigh the fucking same as I did yesterday- 138. Which I'm already getting sick of. I want to be 130. By this time next week.

Well, oh well. I'll continue my fast today, drink more water and less coffee, exercise more. Yesterday was a very good day though.

Lets hope today can be better. I'm fasting until at least tonight at midnight, but I'm going longer if I can. I will.

Oh yeah, and my period started last night, so maybe my lack of weight loss is from bloating? I hope so. Well, I'm not going to give in just because of my period.

My boyfriend last night told me I needed to work on my eating. He knows I have an eating disorder. And he tells me I should try to eat at least one meal a day, "get a couple hamburgers and some fries and chili from Wendy's" he says. I just say, please...
He knows but he has NO idea.
It's because I probably sound like a drama queen. Always talking about starving, but I'm still a fatass wth love handles and a potbelly.
He said he loves my tummy. I sucked in [which made my hip bones protrude and my ribs show slightly] and said I could maybe understand if I looked more like this, and he said that was "too skinny." [Is there such a thing?] But HE'S THAT SKINNY. His ribs stick out [not unnaturally, just a very thin man], and I can see his spine in his back when he leans foward, and his hip bones are perfect and stick out [he's got such a sexy body].
I tell him, but YOU'RE that skinny. And he says, "yeah but I hate my body."
[Can you imagine! A body like THAT and hating it!]
And I finally just say, well too bad because that's how I'm going to look before I'm happy with myself.

And he'll be thankful. =)

Does anyone want to join me with my fast? I still allow non-fat, extremely low-cal drinks, tic tacs [are heavenly], and water. I'd love the company.

Anyway, I need to lose more weight. Don't even know how long it took me to go from 145 to 138, but that's only seven pounds lost!
At least I'm really starting to get my discipline back, like I used to have when I was anorexic years ago.
I like that. It's getting more natural to say no to foods.

Oh and today I'm officially throwing out all my food I have in my dorm room that I bought for moving in.
I can't be tempted my it.

I hope everyone has a productive day, think thin!

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Not bad [04 Oct 2006|07:48pm]

[ mood | productive ]

Today was a good day.

I fasted all day. I consumed only coffee, 8 cups, which according to Fitday is 28 calories, and burned 113 calories today just walking to and from class and doing some occasional crunches. Therefore, today I've consumed -85 calories. =)

I feel like I look thinner. I'm waiting until tomorrow morning to weigh myself again, but earlier today I was 138, and yesterday morning I was 141. So that's good.

I plan to be 135 (at least) by Friday. Fasting as long as I can, baby!

I'm hoping tonight my boyfriend doesn't expect me to drink. If he does, I may have one (which would ruin my negative calorie count and put me at 11 calories for the day..) but usually if I have more than that on an empty stomach I get totally sick.

Anyway he'll be here soon to pick me up, so I'll update more tomorrow.
Think thin, loves! ♥

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2468 [03 Oct 2006|08:37pm]

So tomorrow going back to 2468. hopefully I can go two weeks this time. Anyone want to join me? Please, I'd like some buddies!! :)
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I can't keep that speed, I can't generate that frequency... [03 Oct 2006|11:53am]

[ mood | hopeful ]

Well, yesterday was not exactly good. I mean, I had my vegetable soup like I planned, and it definately helped my cold a LOT. I'm so so so glad it's going away.

But, since I'm getting my period soon, I had massive chocolate cravings yesterday, which sucked, because there's easily accesible chocolate in my own dorm room. I had a nap yesterday, and when I woke up, I don't know what came over me, but I ended up having a little handful of Hershey's Kissables, a little Hershey's Dark Chocolate Bar [like the inch long ones], and a litte Krackle bar as well. I felt horrible for it. And later I ended up caving again and having three caramel Hershey kisses and a packet of Wheat and Cheddar crackers. Bleh! And on top of that I drank last night. Beer.
Miller Lite has 96 calories per can. I shudder to think how many calories I consume in my drinking. But I have to allow myself one indulgence, I think. And mine's beer, because I figure if it's bad for me, I might as well choose something that will numb my senses and make me feel good. =)

Anyway... yesterday I felt horrible. Weak, unmotivated, frustrated, and depressed. I figure I did alright for feeling so shitty. I mean, I did exercise a bit too. I walked about 45 minutes altogether throughout the day from class to class, and I did crunches as often as possible throughout the day.

Today I feel very motivated, though. I think it's because it's beautiful out, I only have one class today, and I've already burned like ten calories [according to Fitday.com] with my boyfriend this morning! =) And this morning before he took me back to my dorm he wanted t go to Wendy's, and was offering me all sorts of food, and I said no to everything, even though Wendy's is like, my biggest weakness, and I ended up telling him to just get me a Diet Coke. =)
Not bad.

Anyway, today I'm fasting. I feel very good about it.

And I want to go book shopping! Anorexics.net has a huge list of great anorexic books, I want to get some! Right now I'm reading Prozac Nation, but to my knowledge so far it's more about depression than eating disorders.

Ooo I just weighed myself. Yesterday I was 143, and today I'm 141! Not bad, still definately FAT. I'm going to go do some crunches. More later.

Good luck today ladies! Remember, a moment on the lips is forever on the hips... ♥

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Neeeeeewwww [02 Oct 2006|08:10pm]

[ mood | FAT ]

Name: Kate
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Height: 5'7
CW: 130
BMI: 20.4
Eating Disorder: Ed-Nos with anorexic tendencies
STGW: 125 To Be Completed By: October 15th
LTGW: 115 To Be Completed By: november 5th
Favorite Thinspiration[s]: Mary-Kate Olsen, Nicole Richie, thin people.. idk

Here is a picture of me taken less than a month ago

Now that I have all of that out of the way...
Today was pretty much useless.  I would have done better had I not gotten out of bed at all
I ate SO much today

dannon light n fit - 60 cal
lean cuisine - 180
fudge bar - 35
Grapes - 30
Culvers fast fucking food - 500 calrories..

So I start over tomorrow I really need to get a hold on my eating habits
I also need to start walking and stuff..

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-105- [02 Oct 2006|03:06pm]

[ mood | content ]

Gender: female
Age: 20
Height: 5"2
CW: 105lbs...(argh!)
BMI: 19.2...*sigh*
Eating Disorder: EDNOS
Highest Weight: 120lbs
Lowest Weight: 80lbs
Favorite Thinspiration[s]: Angelina Jolie, Keira Knightley

I'm obsessed with fasting. I have been stuck in a cycle of bingeing and then fasting, but yesterday and so far today have restricted to 400cals. :-) I hope you're all doing well.

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[02 Oct 2006|02:18pm]

[ mood | blah ]

Okay so today has been going... eh. But I guess I have to start the week out somewhere.

I'm still recovering from a cold, so I'm allowing myself my mom's vegetable soup that she sent back to the dorms with me... just for today. Tomorrow I plan to go on a full-out fast again, starting, actually, after I finish this last bowl of soup.

I've been working out lightly periodically today... if I didnt have so much homework, I'd go check out the University Rec Center. I wish I could.

Anyway I weighed myself earlier today, and I did horribly over the weekend because of my fucking cold that I preferred to hal from rather than starve, so all my progress last week, reaching 139... gone, I'm 143 again today. So I'm pretty much loathing myself today. Not to mention this week is my placebo week of birth control, so I'm starting my period soon, and cravings, and PMS, and the like. UGH.

At least this soup feels good on my throat, and it feels like its healthy. Just some noodles, lima beans, cabbage, green beans, and corn, I think, in a watery-tomato tasting broth.

I am excited to start fasting again, though.
Hopefully I'll make it at least 48 hours. I'd better.
More later. Think thin! ♥

PS- please promote the community, ladies! We need more, more, more members! Just putting in a good word and the community link in some of your other communities is helpful!

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[02 Oct 2006|11:40am]

[ mood | tired ]

Gender: female
Age: 23
Height: 5' 0"
CW: 89 lbs
BMI: 17.4
Eating Disorder: anorexia
STGW: 85 To Be Completed By: Oct 20th (my b-day)
LTGW: last time i had one, I went into the hospital (only a week ago) To Be Completed By: ??
Favorite Thinspiration[s]: MK, Fiona Apple,Twiggy

I will post some pictures of myself soon!
Peace and Love!
Andrea Provenzano

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